Illustration by Aubrie Moyer. Created for this article. Original publication, “The Naked Truth: America’s Voice Unfiltered” magazine, 2016.
Objectification Series Part Deux: A Peek Inside
The camera pans in. A line of women who stand shoulder to shoulder, look identical. They might as well be living mannequins. There’s no emotion on any of their faces. They’re still. The camera pans in closer. It tightens up to the first woman.
We see an eye. It’s green with a pebble grey texture and a smoky black ring against the white. The camera keeps going. We pass through the eye and into her brain. We see churning gears and leather steampunk bands for synapses; shiny rivets and heavy bolts for connections. She’s a mathematician with a flair for artistry. It’s beautiful.
The next woman has blue eyes and a garden of watercolor flowers growing within. She’s a depressed ex-wife with hope for a new, more colorful world ahead.
A third with chocolate brown eyes has, inside of her, scripted words flying off weathered scrolls so quickly you can’t read the verse, but your gut tells you it’s breathtakingly poetic with metered verse and perfectly imperfect rhymes. She’s a school teacher who wants, more than anything, for her kids to grow up and find the value of verse, against the odds, because poetry will eventually be discontinued in her classroom and all the others, too.
Does it matter that they all look the same? What if they all weighed three-hundred pounds? Or one-hundred and ten pounds? They’re each still the same person, big or small, aren’t they?
Well, actually, they aren’t, because too often, how others judge their appearance also changes how they view the world. The interior has been damaged from wars that come from the exterior.
The biggest cost of all: most women aren’t free. Some can break down the walls that imprison them but many women can’t. Objectification is too prevalent. It’s even in their safety zones. Their homes. I’ll explain this below.
Most men I talk to don’t understand objectification nor how it affects women. But what I want to make clear is how it might affect them.
Let’s say Joe has a crush on Jane. They had a few dates. They enjoyed each other’s company. Meanwhile, Jane caught wind of office gossip insulting her weight. Now she’s humiliated and even more self-conscious than usual.
Joe asks Jane out again. Jane refuses. Not because she isn’t interested, but because she doesn’t want to be seen. Once she feels everyone is aware of her cultural imperfections, she would rather be alone than face the possibility of someone she cares about judging her too.
They might have found an amazing love. But because others judged her based on her body alone, they’re alone.
Objectification is dehumanizing. It turns the body into pieces and parts meant to be consumed as opposed to seeing someone as the well-rounded individual they should be.
Unfortunately, a study[1] shows that both men and women tend to view women as their attractive parts, but they see men as people.
How many times have we visited a gym and we’re asked, “what is your problem area?” How many times are we asked, “How much better can we make you feel as a whole person?”
As mentioned in last month’s objectification article, women who are negatively objectified have lower self-confidence than the 5% who were born with an ideal media body.
It has been shown that women who fight confidence issues are paid a lower salary. How does that affect men?
If this is your partner, they’re bringing home fewer dollars. How does that make you feel? Is your partner deflated in your eyes because she’s deflated at work because they judge her by her shape and size? Honestly?
Are you deflating her because of her shape and size on top of the judgment she’s getting everywhere else? Is this the partnership you want? What can you do to make both of your lives better without asking her to attempt to conform to unrealistic standards of beauty?
A study by Ramsey and Hoyt [2]shows that men who are more likely to objectify their partner’s body are also liable to feel embarrassment and shame of their partner’s body. In turn, their partners tend to feel more body shame as well. This leads to more frequent sexual pressure and coercion, and in some cases, violence[3].
The insecurity felt by women often means women are insecure in front of their partners, making their sexual experience far less enjoyable. It’s a vicious cycle.
There have been differing standards of beauty throughout history, so fighting beauty standards, in general, is not realistic.
The Vikings were the first to bathe regularly and coif their beards and hair. The ancient Egyptians had a refined, decorative style.
The ancient Egyptian word snfr means beautiful or embellished.
In Elizabethan England, women of high style shaved their heads or had very short hair.
Reuben paintings showcased beautiful, plump women as the time’s standard of beauty.
Today, we adhere to the standards of beauty that are set by the media and the billion-dollar beauty industry. Instead, we should practice beauty mindfulness, that is, look at whom it is that you love, and admire who they are, as a whole person, right now.
Look as deeply as you can into your partner’s eyes. What do you see inside? Steampunk gears and funky, artistic metalwork? Watercolor flowers and delightful, romantic ideas? Poetic verse that rings to the ear more beautifully than your own words can express? Choose to see those things in her that she would rather you see than her body. It will make a difference in both of your lives.
And women, practice mindfulness, and pride in yourself. Ask for a raise. Shut down any attempts of overt objectification and stop comparing your parts to anyone else’s parts. Break down the walls that keep you inside and ashamed.
[1] Abrams, L. (n.d.). Study: Proof That We Sexually Objectify Women. Retrieved August 29, 2016, from http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/07/study-proof-that-we-sexually-objectify-women/260339/
[2] Ramsey and Hoyt. (n.d.). The Object of Desire How Being Objectified Creates Sexual Pressure for Women in Heterosexual Relationships. Retrieved August 29, 2016, from http://pwq.sagepub.com/content/early/2014/07/31/0361684314544679.abstract
[3] Connections: A Biannual Publication of Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.rainn.org/pdf-files-and-other-documents/Public-Policy/Issues/CONNECTIONS_IPSV.pdf
Illustration by Aubrie Moyer. Created for this article.